The Startling Future of Future Me

Our future selves are like a seed, sitting underground in the dark, maybe even sprouting a little white shoot and embryonic roots, quite unseen in the light and air. In real seeds though, if they sit underground too long, they will begin to rot and be consumed by the earth that contains them. The seed of Future Me is not like that, it sits unseen, ready to do its slow unfurling for all my life if necessary, up to my final hour. And even then it might pop up its unfamiliar head and surprise us all.

 Another way in which the seed of Future Me does not conform to nature’s rules is that it may briefly appear above ground, in midspring or in midwinter, and then retreat back to its dormant state. It might appear with certain kinds of moods or circumstances, briefly flower, and then retreat back to its seed state, like a flickering image on a wall rather than your usual kind of seed. It may appear in the aftermath of a trip for days or weeks and then retreat again, presumably not finding itself in quite the right air. It may appear when you see the sun strike the surface of a leaf in a particular way.

 There are (at least) three types of me: Unreformed Me, Reforming Me, and Future Me. Unreformed Me we know perfectly well. It’s the acquisitive, somewhat selfish, often argumentative me that seems to dominate individuals, public discourse, and the world in general. It’s prone to self-righteousness and judgement on the one hand and addiction on the other; it has the blindness of angry right wing racist discourse and the close-minded Puritanism of left wing political correctness. This awful fellow dominates, we might say pollutes, the atmosphere of the entire world, and has done so for many generations. We all bend to the will of Unreformed Me.

Reforming Me is in the business of fixing the situation, though it’s fighting an uphill battle. Reforming Me sends me to yoga classes, tries to get me up at six in the morning in order to take a cold shower just because Wim Hof says so, makes me smile at people when I feel shitty or angry, and tells me such convoluted things as, ‘you shouldn’t say should.’ Poor Reforming Me spends a tremendous amount of energy trying to make the world a better place, but often it is simply commanding the oncoming tides to retreat, or believing that this time our New Year’s resolutions will really stick. Even if Reforming Me is successful, we may suspect that Unreformed Me is like a river temporarily tamed by levees, waiting for the next big rain.

 And Future Me. Future Me is that seed underground, pre-existent, if unseen, ready to appear under the right conditions. Its characteristics are openness and curiosity; it does not jump to judgment on things, because it sees that life is far more interesting without the judginess. Its predisposition is to laugh and to play, to look on the bright side, to sit back and enjoy a coffee at the end of day, rather than worry, criticize or fret. Future Me doesn’t get involved in impassioned, fraught politics, it agrees with Dave Mason:

There ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy
There's only you and me and we just disagree

Future Me is the human personality that has been sufficiently exposed to divine love.

 Reforming Me, though it tries strenuously, at heart comes out of the same ground as Unreformed Me. Reforming Me does not understand the old adage that what you resist persists, and it’s stuck in a belief system that Unreformed Me is to be addressed in the way that one army addresses another. It’s about victory and defeat, tug of war, and self-discipline where the self being disciplined is the enemy. Even though the enemy is oneself. Oh, Reforming Me,  you have to give way in the end, and let some other action take over the work of encouraging Future Me out of its underground darkness.

 And what, Reforming Me asks, might that other agent of change be? That is where the wisdom of the plants comes in, or maybe it is the wisdom of the lost recesses of the brain, or the teachings of spirit guides, divine will, or who knows what to call it. It’s just a matter of, you can’t expect the expected to have unexpected results. As I get up in the morning and slip into my usual routine of worry and critique, I can remember that Future Me would be whistling a silly tune or remembering the mood of an interesting dream I had during the night. Future Me would be looking for opportunities for fun. If I have trouble reaching Future Me (and I will) I might just remember some of the Future Me characteristics and ponder on them; I might say to Unreformed Me, “I accept you,” I might see if I can breathe easily and peacefully even in my unreconstructed self.

 The Buddhists talk about working skillfully, and I think they mean, don’t let Reforming Me bulldoze through your entire practice. I don’t try to destroy Unreformed Me, I forgive it, because in the end, Unreformed Me may be the soil that Future Me was trying to grow in. Unreformed me may be an entirely shitty character, but, of course, where would fruitful soil be without shit? Where do the interesting mushrooms pick to grow? So remember, when it comes to helping Future Me to grow, please don’t lose your shit.